There’s nothing like a few hard years to take some glimmer out of your eyes. I’m at the “catch myself in a mirror and not recognize me” stage and I’m ready to recover a bit of what I left behind. I have been waiting for some emotional energy to put toward it and I am happy to report that my husband is now aneurysm-free and that after almost 2 years of not really sleeping I am back on the sleep train. Our 17 month old is finally sleeping like a champ (with some intentional hard work) and I feel like a new woman.
I made it through the baby making years and let me tell you…I am worn out. Physically, mentally, emotionally and spiritually. Yes, motherhood is from here to forever, but those early years of puking pregnancies, devastating miscarriages, and tiny fantastic baby needs are unyielding.
Looking back I wish I could have nurtured myself better. I wish I could have slowed down and read more books and took more days off. I wish I would have exercised more and got out more. I am a well- balanced person, it’s probably my best quality, but there is a force in motherhood that draws out the extremes. Although we are all selfish on some level, the sacrificial side comes out in all its glory when little babies are involved. And they demand so much. I would give it all I’ve got in the midst of nausea or grief or sleep deprivation or feeling inadequate or blissful baby love and wouldn’t notice that I hadn’t felt good or been alone in months- until my wheels started coming off.
Maybe some of you felt awesome while you were pregnant, got great sleeping babies and kept up with your kick-ass workout routine all while bringing little humans into the world. Good for you, teach me your ways.
For the rest of us who had challenges we didn’t know how to manage and too many irons in the fire, we have been giving the best we have to give. Motherhood is wild and wonderful and each season will demand differently of us. Maybe it’s the toddler years that did you in, or maybe the teenage ones (most likely it was/will be both.)
So while I have a minute before another season demands more than I can balance, I’d love to sift through these past 8 years and recover some of the person I was and some of the things I loved. I will never be who I was before I had kids (and I don’t want to be) but I do require some tending to if I want to be healthy and whole and interesting.
Want to recover with me? The first step is to ask yourself these questions. I’m starting with one answer for each question because I have a million and a million will make me feel like watching Netflix instead of doing good and new stuff.
What did I leave behind that’s worth getting back? Time alone. To exercise, to be in the Word and to just BE without all the noise.
What new things do I want in my life? To devote time each week to writing (and to finally start working on a book.)
What are some realistic steps I can take to make the above mentioned things work? Deciding with Brian on what regularly scheduled time each week could be set aside for me to get away and do these important things while he takes care of the crazies!
Join me. Or if you’re not where I’m at, cheer me on. I could use it!